Patriarchy In The Church

So this week, you may or may not have heard about the story of a celebrity relationship guru who was discovered to be cheating on his wife. This man, namely Derrick Jaxn, is the same man who allegedly created the catchphrase “black men don’t cheat”. It seems quite ironic, but not ironic at the same time, due to the satirical nature of that phrase in the first place. He also happens to be a Christian and emphasised this in his public apology video. Anyway, I could go on and do a Wendy Williams for you but I don’t care enough about the situation, neither do I wish to invest my energy in it. What sparked my interest about this conversation was the light it shed towards the issue of patriarchy within the church.

Women have been looked down on by society as a whole for decades. It didn’t only begin in the church but rather was the means upon which ancient societies functioned, with women being seen as second-class citizens who were to remain at home and were deprived of the right to have a voice. I believe this naturally seeped into the church. By this, I don’t mean Jesus founded the church on the basis of patriarchy; In fact, I believe Jesus was and still is a believer in women’s rights. What I mean is that, naturally, in any organisation involving human beings with corrupt hearts, misogyny crept its way in.

The specific expression of misogyny I am speaking of here is that which encourages infidelity on the man’s side but condemns a woman from feeling betrayed by it. But God forbid it be done the other way around (an issue dealt with in John 8:1-11). Now, I want to be clear on this, I do not by any means support adultery whether it is the man or woman doing it. My issue is with the double-standard, and more specifically, with the implication of that double standard. The double-standard that men should be permitted to be unfaithful while women can never be creates an environment where men feel enabled to mistreat their wives and be unfaithful to them. The reason for this is because they believe she must stay, due to the societal silencing of a woman’s voice. They don’t listen to us in courtrooms, in educational boards, in workplaces, and now even in our homes. And this precisely is how patriarchy has slipped into the church.

In the specific events of this week, this celebrity guru and his wife both expressed that because they are Christians they will move past this. Now I have no comment on that and I believe people can do what they wish to in their relationship. However, there was a vibe that many people got that suggested that this woman, his wife, appeared to think she must endure the serial unfaithfulness of her husband for religious reasons. It is at this point that I think the church has gone wrong. While divorce should not be encouraged, there is an issue when women think that it is the right thing to remain silent and accepting of consistent disrespectful treatment at its core when, truly, they are allowed to leave (See Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19:9). There is an issue when the choice to stay or leave becomes stripped from the woman’s independent thought and becomes attached to the stigma of a woman leaving her husband, despite his tiresome unfaithfulness. There is a deep issue when people think that true love is to be okay with your partner’s bewildering disrespect, as long as you’re a woman at least. Because we all know that if a woman was unfaithful to a man, he would have little to no hesitation to leave and nobody would bat an eye. But when it is a woman, it’s suddenly “but you know men are like that”, “all men cheat, what did you expect?”, “what kind of unloyal wife are you?”.

I want women everywhere to know that you were given a voice to speak, so do not ever stop speaking. Amplify your voice. Voice your concerns. Raise your issues to the rooftops. Express your distrust. Do not ever let anybody stifle the sounds that leave the back of your throat, but cry aloud and be heard, o woman. If you are being treated unfairly, cry aloud and be heard. If you feel like your partner doesn’t respect you, cry aloud and be heard. I am not saying tell the entire world of what you are going through, but I am telling you to not be silent in the belief that you are meant to swallow it in and move on unaffected. Your voice matters to God. Your pain matters to God. Your distrust matters to God. Your unending questions matter to God. He does not desire for your voice to be stifled. Cry aloud and be heard.

So to the issue of patriarchy within the church – an issue that encourages men to be irresponsible and encourages women to be all-accepting, I hope this issue burns to the ground. I am not against men being leaders, but I desire for it to be given to the position of responsible men who do not show bias. Jesus often rebuked the Pharisees for wanting to honour human tradition while disregarding what God requires. Let me tell you what God requires: Justice (Micah 6:8), balanced treatment (Proverbs 11:1), and ultimately, genuine love (1 John 3:18). So learn to uphold these instead, rather than upholding your ego (Philippians 2:3). The church should be a place of love, love, and only love. So let us reform and re-set our example.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments, and if you enjoyed this read, do feel free to share it with your friends or on your social media. Make sure to tag me @itsaghogho on instagram.